It’s A Funny Old Game Indeed

What a wacky world the world of football is – and Scotland is Area 51.

The new regime at Ibrox has managed to achieve the impossible both on and off the park by being less transparent and more Mr Bean in the boardroom – and astonishingly even worse in the football department than the previous bunch.

The Nomad issue is farcical with Rangers having approached more Nomads than Lawrence of Arabia.

Then today we have the embarrassing story about Dave King trying to get a Judge to approve him being a director of RIFC PLC.

Look how well the last Judge’s appraisal went.

Then we have the absurd story about the Scottish Parliament backing an idea from the Green Party to give first dibs to football fan groups to buy clubs that go up for sale.

Clearly the daft lassie that proposed this has probably only ever went out with rugger types because this idea is so out of this world that the USS Voyager might meet it in the Delta Quadrant.

You know it is a dumbass idea when the SFA and SPFL oppose it and you find yourself cheering them.

Those that do know something about football will know that the last people you want running Scottish football clubs are Scottish football supporters. In the first place, the rivalry between fan groups of some teams is far more fierce than any felt towards other teams.

You can imagine all the tombolas and race nights to cobble together £50 to buy more shares than the supporters in the pub down the street and all the squabbles leading to fist fights over team selection.

The idea is unworkable and is also probably in breach of fair trade legislation. The Green Party should stick to things like recycling and producing petrol from bat shit – things they excel in that nobody gives a monkey’s about.

More wacky still is the claim from Dundee United players that Celtic manipulate referees. How can they possibly make such claims? Next we’ll be hearing that Celtic have an undue influence throughout the game and control all the governing bodies…

Being a control freak is not the modern way for managers, according to Ronnie Deila. His soft-spoken approach is far more likely to work on the 21st century professional footballer than the tried and tested hairdryer treatment, he assures us.

Before Ronnie writes a book on football management principles, he might just want to revise his given example of how effective his methods are – Anthony Stokes. The only thing reformed about Stokes is his hair. It is reforming so alarmingly I think he has been imbibing the Miracle Gro. He looks like he has superglued the clippings from a barber’s floor onto his napper.

Speaking about control freaks, I see Arsene Wenger wants to change the away goals rule because his Arsenal side were put out of the Champions league by it this week. Why do I get the impression Wenger wouldn’t be saying this if the away goals rule had favoured his team?

There are easier ways of progressing in the competition, Mr Wenger. Like having a decent defence for a start.

The only thing standing in the way of Arsenal improving as a football team is the man in the dugout. Arsene about is the single biggest reason this team perennially under-achieves.