28 Months Later

The man in the trenchcoat let out a curse and bit his lip in angry frustration.

He noticed the blood and wiped it away with a soiled handkerchief.

His friend hadn’t noticed the blood when he proffered him his hip flask. “Never mind, mate, we’ll get the club some day. Have a wee nip and it’ll make you feel better.”

The flask was passed around some others.

Over the next couple of days, all who had drunk from the flask had fever-like symptoms. They also were increasingly aggressive and all had one curious thing in common: Any mention of the new owners of Rangers Football Club threw them into apoplectic fits of rage.

Rangers, that famous Glasgow team, had just been brought out of liquidation by a consortium headed by a Yorkshire businessman.

And so our tale starts. The tale of the Rage Virus, a terrible plague which began just as this consortium bought Rangers FC. The Rangers Board Rage Virus, to give it its full name. The major symptoms were frothing at the mouth at the mention of any director, screaming abuse at any director and seething hatred of the Rangers PLC board and shareholders. There was also the inexplicable aggression and hostility towards anyone who had money and was interested in investing in the club. This became known as The Spiv Complex.

The virus spread quickly among more susceptible parts of the Rangers fan base and quickly consumed a sizable chunk of the support.

In the early days victims tended to mob together in fevered rage outside Ibrox but then those with a more progressive strain stayed away altogether.

A man named King promised a cure but his medicine only exacerbated the effects of the virus.

The Rangers board hoped that the virus would die out and even that people would survive it and come back to their normal place in the stands but the unthinkable happened – the virus spread into Ibrox itself and even some directors were infected.

The Rangers Board Rage Virus has spread like wildfire, although there are many who have proven to be immune. Normally an ability to be rational and ask intelligent questions helps to keep someone free of the plague.

You can track the virus quite easily from initial infection.

We are now roughly 28 months down the line and the Rage Virus shows no sign of abating.

If you want to find out if someone is infected, just mention the Rangers Board or key trigger words like BPH and Laxey. Or say you admire my blogs.

If you find yourself on the other end of a loud decibel rant and are showered in spit, you will know you have met the infected.

And if you find yourself getting inexplicably angry at the sight of a picture of Sandy Easdale or a Sports Direct store, seek urgent help.